


Hesitation

by thisseemslikefun



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: "drabble", Angst, Death, Drabble Request, M/M, fluff in between i guess?, if it wasnt obvious by the request already, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-02-05 07:18:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12789558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisseemslikefun/pseuds/thisseemslikefun
Summary: Drabble request by anon on curiouscat for S.O.S' Drabble Project"soulmate au where you start to dream about your soulmate at age 18.daniel just turned 18 and finally dreamt about his soulmate (seongwoo. but he doesn't know his name). when he finds the courage to seek ong out, he discovers out that ong is dead"





	Hesitation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lllogical](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lllogical/gifts).



> Uhm, I am obviously not good at following prompts. I don't know if it's actually considered angsty? Also, sorry for the non drabble length ^^'
> 
> Besides that, enjoy!

_"Good morning, love. Rise and shine!"_  
  
_Daniel opened his eyes slowly. For a short moment, he was disorientated, wondering where he was and whose beautiful voice was still ringing in his ears._  
  
_He came face to face with a handsome boy, maybe around his age. The stranger was smiling at him so sweetly, he felt his heart beating faster immediately. The warm feeling of affection and love spread through his body to his fingertips. He reached out to touch the other's face in disbelief. His mind was confused, why wasn't he in his room, who was this gorgeous person, why did he look at Daniel as if he was his personal sun and why did it feel like Daniel just felt the same for him?_  
  
_The boy leaned into his hand and closed his eyes for a moment. He left a peck on the palm of his hand before taking Daniel's hand into his to interlace their fingers. He had never felt so complete as he did in this moment and he didn't know if this unfamiliar feeling should scare him._

 _He took a proper look at the stranger. Soft black locks were atop of his head, nearly falling into his deep brown eyes that showed so much warmth and devotion. His eyes flickered down to the pretty constellation his moles had formed on his cheek. Daniel couldn't help feeling comfortable around him. The other boy sighed dreamily._  
  
“ _I still can't believe we have finally found each other. Remember when you frantically knocked on my door with a bouquet of roses? My cousin Minhyun was so startled, thus startling you as well,” he giggled and Daniel's lips automatically turned upwards at the lovely sound._  
  
_He wanted to say something, to ask him who he was and why he knew Daniel's name but he didn't know his._  
  
_But he couldn't move his mouth like he wanted to, instead his lips silently formed a word all on their own._  
  
Soulmate  
  
_Daniel frowned and blinked in confusion. He needed a few more seconds before he had finally been able to grasp what was happening. He just turned 18. He would finally start dreaming of his soulmate like everyone who would turn 18. He gasped and looked at the boy in front of him who was still smiling at him. So this beautiful stranger was his fated one? Daniel's brain was hardly able to understand everything._  
  
_The other simply continued to smile at him._  
  
“ _You are gonna be late. Time to get out of bed.”_  
  
_The black-haired beauty leaned down and placed a soft peck on his forehead. Daniel closed his eyes to enjoy the welcome touch._

 

~

 

The next moment Daniel had opened his eyes, he laid in his familiar small bed in his room. He had forgotten to close the curtains last night and the sun rays were shining directly onto his face.  
  
He turned on his other side and sighed.  
  
Daniel finally had the time to understand his dream properly. He turned 18 and he just dreamed of his soulmate for the very first time ever.  
  
_“Soulmate,_ ” he quietly whispered to himself in disbelief.  
  
The word felt so foreign on his tongue. It was such a common word, he had used it so often and without much thought before but now that he had a face – _an actual person_ – attached to this word made him feel weird.  
  
At the same time, he couldn't help to feel excitement running through his body. There was a person out there who was literally meant for him. And god, if Daniel had to be honest, his soulmate was undoubtedly the most beautiful person he had ever laid his eyes on. He wished he could fall asleep and dream of him again. Even though it had been a dream, it had felt so real to hold his hand, to be able to see the affection so clearly in his eyes. Daniel was craving to hear his soft voice and feel those gentle kisses for real but he didn't know where to start, what to do next.  
  
His soulmate had revealed absolutely nothing of himself. He didn't know his name, where he lived or even how old he was. He hadn't even told him how exactly they had met, only that Daniel had somehow found out where he lived and came with a bunch of roses.  
  
_Minhyun,_ he thought, _my first hint is that his cousin is named Minhyun._  
  
Daniel groaned and hid his head under the blanket. It wasn't an uncommon name. He didn't even know this cousin's last name.  
  
Technically, he could always go to one of those soulmate centers to seek help but for some reason, he was reluctant. Was he really ready to face his soulmate already? If he would try to look for him without any help, it would surely take some time and he would be able to prepare himself. Right now, he felt like he wasn't deserving of the other yet. Or maybe it was his coward self that was afraid of the possibility that his soulmate would reject him in real life. The soulmate dreams were supposed to glorify their relationship, to make it seem like their only purpose in life but not too rarely, soulmates rejected each other for various reasons.  
  
Daniel had always loved the idea of soulmates. He loved reading books about people who have successfully found their fated counterparts, loved hearing stories about soulmates conquering the world and all odds together. He craved for his special one as well.  
  
But now that he had met him in his dream, he also felt insecure. Someone as gorgeous as his soulmate deserved someone equally good-looking. He thought of himself to be decent but every star paled in comparison to the other boy.  
  
He knew he should get up and force himself to school but his mind was overrun with anxiety, too busy worrying about the hypothetical first time they would meet. Under what circumstances would they meet? Where would they finally see each other for the first time? Daniel was pretty sure he had never seen his soulmate before, it was not a face he would be able to forget. Maybe he would meet him on a vacation? Maybe when he would start college? There were so many possibilities, Daniel wanted to think of all of them but soon, his eyes were closing on their own, inviting him to yet another dream of his stunning soulmate.

 

~

 

Every night, when his eyes would fall shut and he would drift into dreamland, he would find out more about his soulmate.

So far, he had learned that the other loved dancing like him. And he was so awesome, Daniel could only gape at him in amazement. The way he had been able to control his body and use it to make all those crazy moves left him in awe. The brilliant smile on his soulmate's face made every little movement even more captivating. When they weren't dancing together, they were out to eat in various restaurants and diners. They had probably tried every possible cuisine on earth but the highlight of every little date they had wasn't the food, no, for Daniel it was to be able to just spend time to look at the other, to talk to him, to actually reach out to him.  
  
After every dream, Daniel would try to convince himself that the black-haired boy seemed like such a lovely and open person, he would surely accept Daniel no matter what but he still wasn't able to bring himself to go to a center to ask for help. Even though he had been able to get to know his soulmate more and more, he still didn't know enough to actually find him. He hadn't mentioned Minhyun anymore and he still didn't know his name. Whenever he opened his mouth to ask him, something would distract them or he would wake up alone in his bed, craving for his soulmate's presence.  
  
His friends tried to push him to go get help but his anxious mind always got the better out of him. Sometimes, he would stand in front of a center but he would always turn around and run away before an employee had been able to offer any help. Something was always holding him back.  
  
Something made him hesitate.  
  
He would return home exhausted and mad at his cowardice but whenever he seemed to have decided on trying to actually find his mate, his treacherous mind told him that he didn't have to rush, he could always do it tomorrow. Besides, he was about to graduate, he should focus on his school work for now. His soulmate surely wouldn't appreciate him abandoning his education for him. No, surely not.  
  
And that's what Daniel kept telling himself. That he had time, that his soulmate will surely understand if he would tell him later. It eased his mind a bit but his heart was still yearning for real touches and real hugs.  
  
On his day of graduation, he watched his friends hugging their soulmates in excitement. He couldn't help cursing at himself, one of the pairings could have been him. Instead, he was awkwardly lingering somewhere between his happy friends. He had no reason to postpone searching for his soulmate anymore. His mind was trying to find more excuses but watching everyone hugging and laughing with their soulmates made him feel bitter. He wanted what they all had. And he could have had his soulmate with him here with him if he would have just been able to suppress his illogical fear. He was so tired of being alone when he actually didn't have to.

 

~

 

That night, he dreamed of him again.  
  
_Same glossy hair, same smooth skin, the same three little moles on his cheek he loved to touch._  
  
_They were cuddling on a couch, with his soulmate wrapped in his arms. He was laughing at something happening in the movie they were watching but all Daniel could focus on was the way his soulmate's lips were stretched into a big smile, his eyes doing their little thing that made him so unbelievably adorable._  
  
_Daniel didn't know how it was possible to fall in love with someone he had never met before, whose name he didn't even know but his erratically beating heart, his sweaty hands and his desperate need for the other were obvious indications that he had fallen hard for his soulmate._  
  
_The boy nuzzled his face into Daniel's neck and he giggled from the ticklish feeling._  
  
_“I swear, Ong Seongwoo-”_  
  
_Daniel froze immediately when he realized he had just possibly said his soulmate's name._  
  
_The boy chuckled and looked up to him._  
  
“ _I know it tickles you but I really can't help it!” he pouted and went back to burying his face into his neck. He wrapped his arms around Daniel's neck and said boy finally broke out of his frozen state._  
  
Seongwoo.  
  
_He finally had a name for his soulmate. Daniel hugged Seongwoo tightly and showered him with small kisses on his face, too happy and excited to hold back. The other only laughed and leaned towards him to gently lay their lips together. Daniel closed his eyes and moved along to the soft lips on his, simply enjoying the unreal feeling of intimacy between them._  
  
When Daniel woke up again, he immediately went to change his clothes and ran to the next center.  
  
He wanted to be able to hold his soulmate in his arms, to actually go on restaurant dates, to take a walk along the Hangang river like the sappy couple they would be. He wanted to sway Seongwoo around to some corny love song and watch those horrid romance movies with him as long as it made him happy.  
  
He nearly burst into the center. The builiding he had avoided the last few months was suddenly screaming for him to enter and he wasn't hesitant anymore. He told the employee everything he knew. He was sure there weren't a lot of Ong Seongwoos in South Korea, let alone Ong Seongwoo's with a cousin named Minhyun. The employee smiled at him and told him they had indeed found an Ong Seongwoo just living an hour away from him. He impatiently jumped on his feet as she wrote down his soulmate's address. He quickly grabbed the sheet of paper and ran out of the center, excitement taking over. He couldn't wait to finally have Seongwoo in his arms and do all the romantic stuff they did in his dreams.  
  
Even as he sat in the train and was waiting to arrive at the train station closest to Seongwoo's home he was giddy. If someone else would have been able to see him, they would have thought he was crazy. He constantly played with his hair, nervousness slowly starting to settle within him. He tried to think of what to say to Seongwoo the first time he would see him. Daniel didn't even know if he would be capable of saying anything coherent, his mind was a mess. Maybe he would just screech and run away again. Maybe he would suddenly feel the need to cup this gorgeous boy's face and kiss the daylights out of him before they had even exchanged a word.  
  
Whatever he had planned would probably be all useless the moment he would stand in front of him. He was sure he wouldn't get a single word out, too nervous and overwhelmed by Seongwoo's actual presence. Just thinking about seeing him in real life made him laugh to himself in disbelief. After all those months, he would finally be able to meet him.  
  
On his way from the train station to the address, Daniel passed by a flower shop. He was suddenly reminded of his very first dream and spontaneously decided to buy a bouquet of the most beautiful roses the shop had to offer. When he waited for the florist to put together a pretty bouquet for him, he heard an ambulance rushing outside. One grandma in the shop turned to the other with a sigh.   
  
“On my way here, I saw how paramedics were desperately trying to save some young boy's life. Apparently he was run over by a car.  
“Dear god, that's horrible. Did he make it?”  
  
The grandma quietly shook her head.  
  
Daniel frowned and felt pity for this young lad. For a short moment, he felt bad for still feeling excited to finally be able to see Seongwoo but the guilt soon disappeared when the florist turned to him to pass him the flowers. With the bouquet in his hands and a slight bounce in his steps, he nearly ran to the designated house.  
  
Daniel felt his hands shaking when he frantically pressed the bell. Despite feeling nervous as hell, he tried to put on his best smile which slowly turned real at the sole idea of Seongwoo opening the door on the other side. He held the roses firmly in his hands, his grip tightening further when the door opened.  
  
Instead of seeing the boy in his dreams, he came face to face with another handsome young man who looked at him startled. Daniel was about to dash back to the train station but reminded himself that Seongwoo had said in the dream that he had startled his cousin the first time they had met. Maybe this was Minhyun.  
  
“I- Hi, I am Kang Daniel. I was – uhm – I am Ong Seongwoo's soulmate!” he just decided to blurt out.  
  
The other boy gaped at him in shock for a few seconds. Daniel looked at him in confusion. He only noticed now how his eyes were red and fresh tear stains were on his face.  
  
“You –,” the boy barely choked out as new tears filled his eyes, “He would have loved to meet you. He kept talking about the day he would finally be able to meet you. He never had enough information about you, the center couldn't help. Seongwoo would – he had waited for the day to come when you would finally be able to meet. He had dreamed about wrapping his arms around you all the time, never stopped talking about you. He just – he didn't care how long it would take, he just so desperately wanted to see you and get to know.”  
  
A strong sob shook his whole body.  
  
“He just wanted happiness.”  
  
A dreadful feeling was creeping up inside Daniel's gut and he stared at the boy in front of him helplessly.  
  
“What-”  
“Daniel,” he said and sighed to the ground. It sounded so heartbreakingly painful to him. The other looked up to him as more tears spilled over his face. “Seongwoo died a few minutes ago.”

He had waited too long.

He had hesitated too much.

And now it was too late.  
  
Daniel didn't register much anymore. He just felt coldness and starting to spread through his body and the bouquet slipping from his hand, falling to the hard ground with a thud.

 

~

 

That night, his dreams were empty.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading as always!
> 
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